Excruciating Training (SP: Health Issues, Shyness, Employment)
Question:
And someone is getting paid (probably better than you) to orchestrate this nonsense! Yikes.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun." Okay, that’s an exaggeration. There are worse experiences, certainly. I’ve been through some of them. Still, when you find yourself hoping that your sinusitis will flare up and give you a severe headache to distract you from what’s happening, you know the situation is bad. Yesterday I went into training at my new employer, thinking that some annoyance at pen-clicking and cheesy shockwave presentations would be the worst I would experience. Then a traniner came into the classroom and said that we were going to have fun for the next four hours. Deep inside, I screamed. Don’t get me wrong. I like fun. It’s just that my idea of fun involves playing "Worms: Armageddon" while a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" video is playing in the background. It has nothing to do with scented markers and brightly-colored sticky notes, and it certainly has nothing to do with giving personal information to strangers. The first thing the traniner did was use a complicated system to seat us randomly in order to get us to sit next to people other than the ones we usually sit near. She apparently was unaware that we already were required to sit next to different people each day. I wound up sitting near the one person I really, really didn’t want to sit near. I don’t like being in the same room with that pen-clicking, "Austin Powers"-quoting bufoon, never mind right next to him. It came as no surprise when he started spinning around in his swivel chair, hitting mine with his sprawled legs on each spin. No, serioulsy. The next four hours involved lots of lying on my part. It strikes me as odd that in the business world you’re often asked for your opinion and expected to lie. Job interviews are an example: If you’re asked why you want the job and reply "I don’t, but employment is the only way I know of to get people to give me money," you’re unlikely to get hired. Anyway, I was asked what stores I was loyal to, and why. I didn’t mention the video store I go to because it’s the only place that will let me rent porn. Perhaps the most painful thing about corporate fun is that you can’t allow your mind to wander. The business world has taught me strong daydreaming skills, but I was unable to use them in this situation because the trainer was asking me inane questions and forcing me to interact in awkward ways with my classmates. At one point, we were tossing multicolored smiley-face balls to each other and calling each other’s names out in order to learn that it’s easy to forget to be polite when you’re busy. How I wish I were making that up. Since I’m neither good at remembering names nor catching smiley-face balls, this was the most humiliating part of the evening for me. Tomorrow, I’m going to go through four more hours of the same thing. Please pray for me. There was one bright spot in the evening: I found out that the customer satisfaction rate of the call center is pathetic. Since I rule at call center jobs, I’ll be a shining star. Also, I found out that you can make extra money if you’re good enough. Maybe If I survive the ostensible fun, the job itself won’t be too bad.
Response:
God, I loved this post. It is all so true. I have grown to hate all that fatuous crap with a passion that would make stars collapse. You should tweak this a little and submit it somewhere. I swear! minx
Response:
There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun." Okay, that’s an exaggeration. There are worse experiences, certainly. I’ve been through some of them. Still, when you find yourself hoping that your sinusitis will flare up and give you a severe headache to distract you from what’s happening, you know the situation is bad. Yesterday I went into training at my new employer, thinking that some annoyance at pen-clicking and cheesy shockwave presentations would be the worst I would experience. Then a traniner came into the classroom and said that we were going to have fun for the next four hours. Deep inside, I screamed. Don’t get me wrong. I like fun. It’s just that my idea of fun involves playing "Worms: Armageddon" while a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" video is playing in the background. It has nothing to do with scented markers and brightly-colored sticky notes, and it certainly has nothing to do with giving personal information to strangers. The first thing the traniner did was use a complicated system to seat us randomly in order to get us to sit next to people other than the ones we usually sit near. She apparently was unaware that we already were required to sit next to different people each day. I wound up sitting near the one person I really, really didn’t want to sit near. I don’t like being in the same room with that pen-clicking, "Austin Powers"-quoting bufoon, never mind right next to him. It came as no surprise when he started spinning around in his swivel chair, hitting mine with his sprawled legs on each spin. No, serioulsy. The next four hours involved lots of lying on my part. It strikes me as odd that in the business world you’re often asked for your opinion and expected to lie. Job interviews are an example: If you’re asked why you want the job and reply "I don’t, but employment is the only way I know of to get people to give me money," you’re unlikely to get hired. Anyway, I was asked what stores I was loyal to, and why. I didn’t mention the video store I go to because it’s the only place that will let me rent porn. Perhaps the most painful thing about corporate fun is that you can’t allow your mind to wander. The business world has taught me strong daydreaming skills, but I was unable to use them in this situation because the trainer was asking me inane questions and forcing me to interact in awkward ways with my classmates. At one point, we were tossing multicolored smiley-face balls to each other and calling each other’s names out in order to learn that it’s easy to forget to be polite when you’re busy. How I wish I were making that up. Since I’m neither good at remembering names nor catching smiley-face balls, this was the most humiliating part of the evening for me. Tomorrow, I’m going to go through four more hours of the same thing. Please pray for me. There was one bright spot in the evening: I found out that the customer satisfaction rate of the call center is pathetic. Since I rule at call center jobs, I’ll be a shining star. Also, I found out that you can make extra money if you’re good enough. Maybe If I survive the ostensible fun, the job itself won’t be too bad.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun." Thank you to those of you who responded to this message. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way Tomorrow, I’m going to go through four more hours of the same thing. Please pray for me. Yay, I didn’t actually have to! When I got into work yesterday the happy-crappy-funtime instructor was there, and she asked us if we were unhappy with our training. While she was asking this, I debated with myself whether or not to be honest. I’ve gotten in trouble at work before for being the only naysayer. It turns out there was no need to worry: several people spoke up and said, in no uncertain terms, that the training sucked. They phrased it a little more delicately, but still made it clear that they did not feel confident in their ability to do their jobs. The hours that had been set aside for "fun" training were then used for the kind of practical learning that we should have begun on the first day.
I am totally amazed at this rare display of corporate common sense. I really didn’t think they had any. Wish I knew what company this was!
Response:
There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun."
It all sounds absolutely horrifying and I can relate, having been through my share of coorporate trainings. I AM praying for you!! 
Response:
I am so glad I am retired and don’t have top be exposed to this stuff. Hang in there and when this is over, be yourself, be real. Stan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun."
Response:
alt.support.depression: There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun."
snip Sounds to me as though they are desperately trying to instil ‘esprit do corps’ – perhaps they’ve fallen into the ‘management consultant’ trap. — — Whiskers
Response:
My theory is that they are trying to fool you into believing that you are having "fun" so that you will be distracted from the slave wage they are getting away with paying. Call centers make my skin crawl.
Response:
There is nothing more painful than forced, official corporate "fun."
Thank you to those of you who responded to this message. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way Tomorrow, I’m going to go through four more hours of the same thing. Please pray for me.
Yay, I didn’t actually have to! When I got into work yesterday the happy-crappy-funtime instructor was there, and she asked us if we were unhappy with our training. While she was asking this, I debated with myself whether or not to be honest. I’ve gotten in trouble at work before for being the only naysayer. It turns out there was no need to worry: several people spoke up and said, in no uncertain terms, that the training sucked. They phrased it a little more delicately, but still made it clear that they did not feel confident in their ability to do their jobs. The hours that had been set aside for "fun" training were then used for the kind of practical learning that we should have begun on the first day.
Response:
Filed under: Sinusitis
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